Yesterday's post with the Kurt Vonnegut reminded me of Mary Schmich's June 1997 column in the Chicago Tribune which has been attributed to Vonnegut as an MIT commencement speech (he didn't give it that year). Schmich introduced the column as the commencement address she would give if she were asked to give one. 

When I went searching for it (it's listed below), I found this great little video by Baz Luhrmann.  Enjoy both.

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By Mary Schmich, Chicago Tribune, June 1, 1997


Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97.


Wear Sunscreen.


If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.


Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.


Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you.


Sing.


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Floss.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Stretch.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody's else's.


Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont' be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.


Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.


Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.


Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.


Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.


Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.


Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.


Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.


Respect your elders.


Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.


Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will Look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.


Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.


But trust me on the sunscreen.

The Los Angeles Times today posted a story on a study that indicates there's a correlation between a big stomach at middle age and dementia. The article references a study by a Kaiser Permanente which said:

"Those who were overweight and had a large belly when measurements were taken were 2.3 times more likely to develop dementia in old age than those who had a healthy weight and belly size when they were younger.

People who were obese -- with a BMI greater than 30 -- and had a large belly in middle age were 3.6 times more likely to develop dementia later in life than those whose weight and belly size had been in the healthy range."

"This ought to be a wake-up call to baby boomers in terms of diet and exercise," said Dr. Sam Gandy, a spokesman for the Alzheimer's Assn. who was not involved in the study. "If they are not frightened enough about heart disease, maybe they will worry about losing their mental function."

I'm seriously thinking I need to exercise a bit. Not that I'm REALLY overweight, but I do have some belly fat. In fact, that's really where I carry my weight. And no, that's not me in the picture above. It's an illustration, not a representation of this writer.

Anyway, what was my point.

Oh.

Crap.

It's started already. I'm heading to the gym tomorrow.

The March 2008 issue of the American Journal of Medicine is encouraging middle aged folks to pick up a bottle. According to a new study led by Dr. Dana King of the Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston, folks who newly begin consuming moderate amounts of alcohol in middle age benefit from lower cardiovascular disease morbidity.

Results of the study indicated that the new moderate drinkers had a 38% lower chance of developing cardiovascular disease, but their was no difference in all-cause mortality between the new drinkers and the nondrinkers.

But what interested me the most, was this:

"The new drinkers also showed a modest improvement in HDL-cholesterol levels and no adverse effect on blood pressure. The researchers say that these data support the idea that initiating alcohol use in middle age may have an overall positive impact on cardiovascular health and that, for carefully selected individuals, a "heart-healthy diet" may include limited alcohol consumption, even among individuals who have not included alcohol previously."

I stopped drinking years ago, but on occasion will have a glass of wine--probably not more than 3-4 a year. However, my HDL-cholesterol levels (due largely to heredity, and partly because I can't seem to get my but in gear to exercise) remain low. Before you get the idea that we (that's you and I) will drink our way to better cholesterol levels, this study was only conducted on people who had never drunk alcohol before. For those of us who might have pickled our liver in college, the benefits may not apply.

I guess "we" still better find our way to the gym.

Read the full article here if you're interested:Read it now

A few weeks ago, I was an adult leader on a trip with a bunch of teenagers. When we stopped for dinner, I found myself setting across from a young man I didn't know well. We started talking about school, his pending graduation and the fact that he didn't think he wanted to go to college. He said he didn't really know what he wanted to do with his life.

In hopes of lightening the moment, I said, "That's alright. I don't yet know that I want to be when I grow up."

There was a bit of silence, and then he look up from his dinner and said, "I don't really know how to respond to that."

I laughed and told him that teachers, parents and others spend too much time trying to get us to decide what kind of career to have, but most of don't have a clue at 18 what the world is like. Many of us, even in middle age, struggle with what we really want to do, or worse, find that what we were pushed into at 18 or 19, was really a waste of 25 years. At middle age, many of us wake up and say, "I don't want to do this. I never really did."

I hope he got something out of that. I had a friend tell me recently that my dad told him in a 1979 conversation to "...go to school to do what YOU want to do, not what your parents want you to do." He offered thanks to my dad some 25 years later for that piece of advice. I hope I made the same impact.

All reminds me of that www.monster.com commercial from the 90's entitled, "When I grow up.." Remember it? Watch below.

The Miami Herald had an article today entitled, 5 things you didn't know about midlife crisis. Among those five points were, "Am I Having one?" in which the article said doctors do believe it is a genuine condition with the following symptoms, among others:

1. irritability
2. loss of sex drive
3. impotence
4. fatigue
5. depression
6. hair loss
7. weight gain
8. loss of ability to recover quickly from injuries

It also said that a recent "Happiness" study showed that both men and women's happiness followed a U-shaped curve, with the most unhappy time being at the bottom of the curve, or about age 44.

If find all this interesting, but I have to point out that I don't possess an of the symptoms from the bullet-point list above. Except, maybe irritability, but then I've always been a tad grouchy. So, I guess I'm not having a milife crisis after all.

Funny thing about that list though. If you look at it closely, I'll bet you know people in their 20's and 30's who have the symptoms listed.

Of course, this is from the Miami Herald, home to the more retired people than anywhere else in the world. It's the likely the place where "60 is the new 40," was coined. That would explain the list, now wouldn't it?

I'm joking, of course. Not many men really want to be like the Boston Legal TV show character played by William Shatner. But, I think most men would like to have a solid friendship with another man, as Denny has with his friend Alan Shore (portrayed by actor James Spader).

Each man puts aside his individual politics and agendas and accepts the other for as a true friend. I think we men generally have a hard time with that. I, for one, have many friends, but nothing like what I would call a "best friend." It seems men are more hard-wired for my situation, than for Alan and Denny's.

I think we learn at an early age how to show different sides of ourselves to different friends based on what those friends need or want to see, or perhaps what we want them to see. We're afraid, I think, to let any one person (aside from our spouse, perhaps) see the whole person for fear of being judged. And we don't like to be judged, do we? My daughter, the Psychologist, says she's encountered similar feelings her freshman year at college. With some friends, she's finding she can't really be herself.

All in all, I think it's really something we have to overcome within our own minds. We have to get beyond caring what other people think of us to really be able to have and be true friends. Friends, like Denny Crane and Alan Shore, who look beyond differences and see the whole person are sorely needed. Not just in a man's life, but in everyone's life.

Denny Crane. Mad Cow.

P.S. Watch Boston Legal, Tuesday's at 10:00 PM ET on ABC!